I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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