Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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