I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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