JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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