Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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