My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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