I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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