I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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