This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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