dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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