I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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