There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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