i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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