1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize