and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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