Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize