Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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