she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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