Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize