D3 body, D1 cock
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
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i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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