If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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