everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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