Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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