How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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