Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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