come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize