Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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