No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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