so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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