His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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