I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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