I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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