Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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