but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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