On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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