i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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