I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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