Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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