I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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