she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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