I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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