Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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