kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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