Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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