my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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