my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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