I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize