Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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