Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize