if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize